Jumbles

Your child care center is closed this week. So I'm 'working' from home with you. I love that I have a job this flexible. I love that while you were growing inside me I could say things like 'I'll be on email until the nausea passes.'. I love my coworkers. That staff meetings include at least twenty minutes of personal updates. Most importantly I love what I do. Helping ladies like the ones who take care of you get their education and navigate the system.

Of course you heard the but 5 sentences ago.

I can't stand being away from you eight hours every day. Your father and I have almost figured out a morning routine with your milk and diapers and getting all three of us out the door. We have a pick up schedule. But in the end we get just 1-2 hours to revel in your wonderfulness (or crankiness, depending on the day).

Some days I'm so tired at the end of it all that I can't really revel. To tired to do anything other than shove food in my face, feed you, get us changed, say hi to your father and crash.

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This week has been great and horrible. I love being with you all day. I have gotten maybe one day of work done in the past 3.5.

There are so many things I want to do with you. Play group, story time at the library, boob group, spend the day laying on the floor....that's just now. Swimming lessons, exercise classes, the park and on and on.

We almost never have groceries because at the end of the day all I can think about is going to you. On the weekends it's either squeezing things into your nap time or dragging you out- which you generally dislike. So I do neither.

I don't even want to get started on pumping enough for you to eat.

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Realistically this is our life for the next 6 months. Your dad is at a new job. My boss and I worked hard to secure funding for my position. Aldo financially, with the 11 weeks without pay your dad took to bond with you, our bank account resembles my grad school days. Worse actually with the purchase of two cars and a house and paying back my brain. I'm proud that we've paid off the cars. Both in under 3 years. I know what we spend every month. I have no clue what your dad will bring in, though the prospect seems good.

So I'll keep working. Trying to figure out how to take care of my boys. And myself. Bringing home my salary and health insurance for you and I. Paying our bills and building our cushion, because worse than this crazy hectic day to day is better than not knowing how to provide for you.